Last friday visited the doctor. Dr Lee's a friendly chap and he told me that I visit him yearly. It was almost exactly last year that I came. I came out with medicine for cough, throat infection, eye infection, stiffneck and headache. 5 in one visit, that's a collection of illnesses and should cover those times I didn't see him during the year. I had to preach on Sunday and with a throat infection, I prayed for my voice back in a speedy recovery. Come Sunday I had the perfect voice for a great time with the kids.

After a usual full Sunday, as I was walking to the hospital to visit auntie Elsie in the evening, I felt a heavy and deep conviction that a 'voice' is not good enough. That something else is required that I should ask for. I ought to pray for LOVE as well. I teared because I notice that the yard stick of a great Sunday has always been how well I delivered a message or how I so called 'performed'... and its seldom how much people/kids have received my service to God. How did they sense love from me. How much of what I do impacted people whether it is love by means of acceptance or a challenge.

I realise I have a long way to go but I pray I'm moving closer to what should be the perfect service to God because is not worth doing otherwise.

Some advices rendered to me during my 'down' time 1) drink water, 2) give yourself more rest and 2) don't carry heavy stuff. I think the last one has a spiritual meaning too.

Last Saturday night. I was at a dinner party with an auntie's guest who was loud and believed in speaking his mind. When i was introduced as her nephew working in the IT industry but now works in a church, he immediately declared "Now that's a bad idea". It was a long dinner, with many anti-Christians sentiments being shared by a group of matured and seasoned Christian bashers. It was amazing to experience the sustainence of God's hand throughout what appeared to be the longest dinner I ever had. Though I was nervous, I appeared as calm as ever cos I see it as a blessing.. ie. it did finally opened up that topic for conversation at a table I often eat in.

During the staff planning retreat today (or rather yesterday), we meditated on Zechariah 8:12 .. I went further and up to verse 13 it says The seed will grow well, the vine will yield its fruit, the ground will produce its crops and the heavens will drop their dew. I will give all these things as an inheritance to the remnant of this people. As you have been an object of cursing among the nations, O Judah and Isreal, so will I save you , and you will be a blessing. Do not be afraid, but let your hands be strong".

I'm reminded that fruitfulness is an inheritance. It is meant for us because we are his children. Yet as much we want it and expect it, we must not forget that it has to come out of certain brokenness. How can a kernel of seed grows ? By dying and falling to the ground. So when we have been an object of cursing because of the Lord, then we'll be a good candidate to receive. Yet, fruitfulness once attained is really meant for blessing others and not to be consumed and kept. Then we may ask what's the big thing about fruitfulness then? Well I don't know... maybe it just isn't meant to be a big thing after all, the big thing is the joy of serving and partnering with the Lord. Pleasing and being obedient to Him. If we don't find joy pleasing God, then no fruitfulness or success is going to satisfy either.

Thinking whether Jesus is my one true joy? If so, I'm thinking that I should not be afraid but let my hands be strong, to be ready to work hard and to endure shame, brokeness and regular repentence for these are I believe prerequisites for fruitfulness to come. And once fruitfulness comes, I hope I don't get sidetrack of being too excited about the fruits that I lose my direction all together. I fear that I'll find myself riding on a vehicle called "Pride".

Zonc and Zinc
Zonc, Zinc and Zoe
Zonc, Zinc and Zoo Keeper
Zonc, Zinc and Tourist

http://www.hopesingapore.org.sg/hopekids...

Been through my rounds of re-reading books and when I read "the Wounded Healer" by Henri Nouwen again last night, I don't know if it was Rachmaninoff's second symphony playing in the background or was it Henri Nouwen's words which hit me so...err gently (no longer hard since I had kids and aged) and it revived my soul and hope for the world we are living in.



The Christian life does not eliminate loneliness and pain. Loneliness/pain is presevered and cherished. God will just make them bearable so that it may be offered as understanding and compassion onto others.

I joke (though I mean it) with Mag just a few weeks ago that I feel very much for those who are getting married or just got married about what emotional turmoil they still or will still have to go through. And all the singles/celibate to think that a married life make them a little bit less lonely! I'm reminded why I still feel lonely when I'm suppose to be happily married and why I still feel pain when i'm in Christian service ? While I've long stop asking how I can be less lonely as I know its the wrong question, I'm reminded (not in a person or a environment) it is just that loneliness or pain is a effective tool of healing and a open-access to the lives of fellow sufferers. We will not ministering where the action is, unless we have walked through a similar road God has some deliberately allowed before us. Christ identified with that loneliness as He didn't take His away, when he went to the cross, he made it bearable so that in it, he can reach you and for me.

Auntie Elsie came back from the hospital. While she was there, I realise I didn't make it a point to show her I was there and that I cared. I was scared and didn't want to disturb her rest. Though I pray for her everyday in private, I'm still totally hopeless in a hospital situation. It's not I don't care, its just too many other factors. We ought to be there for people to show others how they matter to us. It's what we are called to do. We are wired to visit... so let's visit because indifference is one of the most subtle, yet greatest form of evil.

I'm thankful to Henri Nouwen for the wonderful book and his other great writing. His quote "Every real revolutionary is challenged to be a mystic at heart" has always rings deeply within.... and I'm also grateful to Andre Previn for leading the London Symphony Orchestra so wonderfully in that symphony, for if not, something may be missing in that moment of reflection :-)

Be His

My second brother is getting married in 2 months time and I'll be heading for Brisbane at the end of September with the family to be his best man. But before that can happen, several things must happen which I'm busy working with. Our September children outreach, the church anniversary, the implementation of the church's new website and not forgetting the launch of HopeTots Time this weekend. Quite exciting work I must say ....if I don't think and worry too much about the outcome! Successful or not, just work at it with the best of ability. It is strange that sometimes it may not be easy putting in 100% because we may appear like a headless chicken running around and not trusting God to give him room to move. But I think putting 100% can also mean trusting God enough to do that. Imagine if we put in 50% expecting God to make up the rest, then the most we are going to get is 100% which means at most, a perfect job! That's all! If however we put in 100% and God does his usual 100% we will get 200% which to me means a miracle! My math is normally not good but this time I think its quite strong. 200% is I'm sure what the amount we need often in our lives in this broken world.

Rag's Quite Strong Mathematics Formula
50% + 50% = Great Job!
100% + 100% = Miracle!

Speaking of miracles, we need one for Auntie Elsie right now. Her case has relapsed and she's in the hospital. We want to put in all we can for someone who cared for people and who has so far lived a truly selfless life. Why does bad thing happen to good people? God is mysteriously at work. We are desperate for God's grace and mercy and we need 200%, we are reminded to put in our 100%.