I love chocolate cookies. I was eating some that Mag got for me this morning. As I don't usually have full lunches, these biscuits from Mag stirred up very passionate feelings during my lunch time ..That my dear wife love me very very much.. My heart was filled with sweet fondnes.

However I remember just this morning I had an argument with her and we were making all strange accusations of one another. You know those that's usually not strange then and those you don't normally make in the right frame of mind. At that time, I didn't I feel like Mag loves me at all.

Now... how strange that these two incidents happened on the same day, only a few hours apart. So does Mag love me or not ? Well it depends on how I feel.. or does it ?

We are emotional creatures, we feel a lot and usually how we feel is very far away from truth. There's nothing wrong with feeling a lot and I don't mean there's always no truth in how we feel. Its just that they are two exclusive things and should not be confused to be the same.

The truth is the God is love and God is the only one who's capable of true love. The rest of us are just pretending. Our wives or husbands can't love well, our best friends can't, our leaders can't. Only Christ. So if we need love we better learn to get it there because only Christ has what satisfies. As He gives this to us, we can also learn to give to others as well. Not that we will know how to satisfy the other person, its just that it'll definitely be better than not giving at all. In the same way the person definitely appreciate your attempt (though imperfect) than if you never have tried.

God calls us to love and he doesn't expect perfect love, he expect love to be attempted. As to receiving love, forget about getting it from the people close to you because the expectation will only destroy the relationship, get it from God instead. If you don't know how, learn. It's a worthwhile investment ..

And for those who are married, i should add that this should be a very good tip for survival. :-)

I'm reminded that September 19 was the day I heard news of Rich Mullin's death on the internet. (Thanks Dorky Dad) That was 8 years ago. So it must be over 10 years that I've been acquinted to his music.

Now Rich Mullins was a writer I simply marvel that God is able to make and still wonder why He took away. He made me listen to his music when contemporary christian music is really not something I have affinity for. We played his song "Peace" during the Holy Communion of our wedding and I always like how the first line go "Though we're strangers still I love you, I love you more than your mask .... "

He didn't like masks. He made me think twice of everything I've been complacent about spiritually. He was the first person who showed me the spirituality of cleaning the toilet or making cookies for someone who's closed up (I thought it was all about the many other pious things I esteem.. it was my mask)

Most importantly he pointed me not to himself but to his God which the same God I'm trying to catch more of everyday of my life. He made me believe that while we need God so much, we need one another too. We need to be connected and be accountable. Concerning being in a place of temptation (ie. alone in a hotel room or walking in the streets of Amsterdam) he question not why we were there but why we were alone.

Its good to remember him today. If you have not meet him and know his music ..Dorky Dad pointed me to this Tribute to Rich Mullins by the Countdown magazine which will get you started.

Here's Dorky Dad's (a fellow ragamuffin blogger) own tribute Our God Is An Awesome God

I ate a Navel orange on my way to work this morning. If orange cannot be easily segmented and its one whole lump when the skin is peeled, it would have been messy and I wouldn't have enjoyed that nice Navel orange. So with orange created so wonderfully, how can God not be real ?

I'm thinking of all the great things that God is doing and I have very little to think about. Upon some persistence, I remembered how God did an amazing work in the children's service last Sunday where I saw the kids worship like never before. I also remember some testimonies of Mag's counselling successes. Even so, I still pray that I will have the mind of God so that I can fathom more of the wonder of God.

Some of the reasons why people don't count their blessings because they cannot remember their blessings, or they don't know what it is ? or maybe they are just poor in math. Some will say its just a figure of speech, don't be silly and move on, it's ridiculous to count them one by one.

Well as ridiculous as it may sound, I did just that a while ago and I got myself 5 pages of blessings written down given the time for me to write. If I had more time, it could be more. So its worthwhile sitting down and do it. I think it'll mean so much to our soul if we just do ridiculous activities like counting our blessings.

Walt Disney is a familiar character to me because my second brother did a school project about him when I was quite little and I read that paper!! He was a man and leader of vision, integrity and character. A son of a deacon, his upbringing & later independent life was lived with godly principles and he had only one wife. Besides Jesus, the next person whom I think lives (although in a different sense) must be Walt Disney. Can't imagine the world without disney movies, Pollyanna, Donald Duck, Disneyland and the Mickey Mouse Club.

I read during lunch time with interest a comment in a book about Walt Disney. Ray Bradbury a writer speaks of what Walt has taught him ... " if you want to accomplish something big in life, don't hesitate. Go to the edge of the cliff and jump off. Then build your wings on the way down".

Wow, now that sounds like suicidal advice ... but its so so inspiring.

I cannot blog much nowadays because my home computer is down. I see a blank screen everytime I boot it up. It's not the monitor so it could be the graphic card or in the worse case the entire motherboard. The modern day equipment breakdown is getting to me. Anyway I self assembled this machine almost 6 years ago with mixture of quality parts and not so quality ones and its almost time that it does these things on me.

This machine has gone through so much with me. Did lots of work and church multimedia projects and lots and lots of music project including my personal songs, charity musicals like Jacob the Musical, Love Songs, Love Stories, children projects like last year's Christmas Star and many children camps. I have spend many special late nights with it and it seldom gives me problem.. until now and its inevitable.

One equipment that have been with me for years is my Maton ES-335 electric guitar, which I had since I'm 18 years old. It's been travelling with me when I emigrated to Australia, back to Malaysia and then now here in Singapore. Recently I ripped out its pickups and it doesn't have a sound anymore but its replacable with new ones and still it in great condition.

I like old things because they have proven durability. I used to have a vintage Fender Pro-reverb Silverfac amp. All tube guitar amplifier dated back to 1977 which I sold and regretted selling because these are things will never come back to you. I have an old Sansui AU-555a amp and a pair of Celestion 5 speakers which I have reluctantly put up for sale. I cannot justify a place for them at home so they have to go. It is hard although a practical thing to do.

These old stuff will last almost a lifetime. New computers will last you at most 5 years. Swatch watches only 2 (I cannot count how many i've owned which has stopped). Electronic devices like palms and handphones go out of fashion within one. The bible lasted hundreds of years and will continue to do so. God is even older and will last til the end of the age and even beyond.

I don't mind new things but I really love the old ones a lot.

" You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart " - Jeremiah 29:13

I came into the office this morning remembering about a 40 day fasting programme for children I heard about from a fellow children worker I met at last week's workshop. I seeked but I couldn't find. Instead I found the above verse in her church's website.

I thought that to find Him we have to seek Him with all our heart. If I think about the last time I did things with all my heart and the work & passion involved in doing it, seeking God must be really be a serious thing.

"Seeking God" must be a whole big subject by itself, not a "by-the-way" thing for all of our church's apostolic work.

I go back to KL once every year for Chinese New Year. Other than that it'll have to be either funerals or weddings that will make me travel back. Thank God it was a wedding last weekend. It was one of my cousin's much anticipated wedding. For 10 over years in courtship they finally tied the knot in a nice lutheran church in Cheras where he served as a treasurer. It was a small traditional church with a neat little mini zoo. They struggle to incorporate modern musical instruments and computers to their traditional worship. I know because all of us know they are using the Windows XP operating system (OS) and Microsoft Powerpoint software, at instances in time we are suppose to see words of songs being sung.

The brideroom was someone close to me when younger but not quite now we are older and having our own agenda in life. We used to jog together, hang out at each other's houses, bully our younger cousins (and get bullied by the older ones)together. Now we just attend each other's weddings.

Anyway I tried to reconnect with him with moderate success. We shared a short but meaningful time chatting which is why I could confirmed that he became a christian and is now serving as a treasurer in the church. I learned he has been staying in Puchong and that he will be going to Redang for his honeymoon. It was just 3 minutes I think but it was good enough in a clan where conversation is not a strong point. I think singing may even rate higher as i recall my dad singing at my wedding and i at my sister's. In this wedding nobody sang, which was i think a real good thing because it meant we had to try talking to each other. It was a good time catching up with all our relatives.

On Sunday, we brought another cousin to attended my brother in law's church City Harvest Churchin Subang. For a small church they sure have lots of energy (The type that I really like to have in our HopeKids Service). They are well organised and excellent in their worship. We didn't get to see what type of computer operating system they use, so we just kept worshiping.

Besides the joy of letting my kids see their grandparents again, the other proudest things of my visit to KL again are
1)The taste of rojak and chendol eaten by the roadside.
2)Hearing Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra (MPO) play at Dewan Filharmonik Petronas (situated the middle of the KLCC twin towers) for the first time.

The standard of rojak is still very good although the chendol has dropped a little bit. The MPO however appeared a bit lethargic on a Sunday afternoon. But even though the performance didn't touched me as much emotionally (either because MPO was really lethargic or it was my tiredness that gave me disability to be connected emotionally), the sound of Dewan Filharmonik was simply gorgeous. Not a big hall but the acoustic was warm and chimey. Definitely better than Singapore's Esplanade Concert Hall. Tickets wasn't expensive so Mag accompanied me. It was her first orchestral performance and the fact that it was a Mahler Symphony (it was #5) and she sat through unscathed, I left with much deeper admiration of her than I thought possible.

With rojak, chendol, MPO and Mag, I'm so proud to be a Malaysian. On the way back to Singapore, I got my first speeding ticket in my 15 years driving history. On the last 10 kms of the malaysian road, I didn't feel very proud then. But really now, I'm just happy to have had a fruitful trip.

I'm back excited and enthusiastic about God and His sacred work. I asked Him to bless me with a spirit of possibility as I continue to serve Him.

Was at a Hope Church Staff Retreat last Monday for 3 days. It was my first time going to Kukup in Malaysia. It was quite exciting for me because I always wanted to be a monk to live in a monastery but I never could because firstly I am happily married and secondly I have no guts.

Our Kukup retreat was partly like living in a monastery. The solitude, the lack of activities, the long time available to be with God, the cold showers, the simplicity of the toilet drainage(that
goes straight back to nature). The part that didn't looked like a monastery are the board games, the abundance of food, the air conditioned rooms and staying up late at night. Actually I've never lived in a monastery so I can only guess these facts.

One of the best thing I learned during this retreat was that my colleague Steven has such tremendous skill with the camera. The insight he has with the photographs that he takes reminds me of Thomas Merton's work with his camera too. Below are some of Steven's photograph for you to agree with me. We can indeed see so much more if we just open our eyes and see things differently from what is the common. He takes such great photographs that I didn't take any myself. I am so complacent using all his photographs.

In the long hours of time with God, I meditated on Psalms 147:4 "God counts the number of the stars; He gives names to all of them". .. the longest time I ever meditated on a verse. If God could give names to all the stars, He must be able and the task he asked Adam to do to name all the animals wasn't shunning responsibility after all. It must be that he finds great joy working and partnering with us in His work on earth.

I came back from Kukup refreshed and thinking that I need to be a better photographer myself and God is going to help me to do it for His glory.

Last Sunday, my car was scratched at the front fender and needed fixing. On Tuesday i dropped my glasses,it broke so I went 2 days without my glasses which needed fixing. This morning, we evaluated the children's service and something do need fixing. When I reached home I felt tired and thought how life is hard. Instead of resting I tried to fix a leaking pipe and I flooded the kitchen. When I finally got a chance to sit down, I listened to a CD that Pastor Jeff gave me a while ago which I didn't have a chance to do until then.

The first song was "Above All" the song by Lenny LeBlanc and I realised that when Jesus was crucified on the cross, He needed some serious fixing too. And that's what God did, have Him completely restored that He became the hope of the world. It was in that way that the song touched me. Life may be hard, it may need lots of fixing but God's good at fixing and when things are done with His hands, it'll be a beacon of hope to people around us.

I ask for God to help me persevere.