That experience of standing by the side of the road and standing there with your thumb out and thousands and thousands of cars go by, and then one car stops and you get in that car, and suddenly you forget that you've been standing there for an hour. One act of mercy on the part of one guy erases the fact that thousands of people drove by and were completely apathetic. So one act of grace is a very profound thing. The world may be very cruel in very many ways, but that one act of grace that we see in Christ changes everything.

Taken from the Pursuit of a Legacy video, Rich Mullins's monologues

Just when I thought that we are closed to recovering fully from last year, Uncle Ah San passed away with a stroke last week on the 17th Jan. It was exactly 3 months after auntie Elsie (she left us on the 17 Oct) Rachel their 15 y/o daughter was in such sorrow though she knows they are in a better place. We pray for the strength of God's hand and peace to be with her. We are also doing whatever we can physically.

Another death in Mag's family humbly reminds us again of our mortality. We talk about it, reflect upon it more and its never enough. If we die today will we die doing what God has called us to do or will we die caught with our pant's down just trying to make life more comfortable? I believe all of us are born with a set of right things to do. It's not about doing what's easy than it is about doing what's right.

Most of us live unreflected lives, allowing life to control us with its demand every single moment. When that happens, it is so easy our day will turn into weeks and our weeks into months, months into years and without realising it, it becomes a little too late to do important things that matter.

Some of the things that people will never regret having done when on their death bed are hugging people, building friendships, skipping rope with children, investing in the next generation, giving of our time and money, telling loved ones how much you love them, writing a book or creating something with our hands to bless others, using God given talents and gifting and developing them. There are much more and maybe many things unique just for you.

Today is never too late, we should reflect upon what we are doing against what we should be doing for a truly 'regret free' life. After we have done that, to work on how to do these things with great love and passion. Nike got it right but not quite right. It's not exactly about just doing it. It's about just doing the 'right things' and doing it greatly.

Not that i travelled much today but i'm exhausted nevertheless. Good to finally reach home to have a nice hot shower. Thinking of what I feel are what it takes to make it in life. I think two things that if I'm without will be a disaster. The first are relationships and the second discipline and ability to organise. Both aren't my terror niches. My powerful niches are taking long walks, being alone and listening to music (and perhaps eating oranges,ice-cream and chocolates). I suppose being weak in both these areas make me look to the Lord. What are relationships without the power of God's love? Yeap that's right, bad ones. And what use is discipline without the purpose of God? Yeap, nothing, nothing meaningful at all.

I'm exhausted just thinking about the fragility of life. Mag has a such a big heart for fragile people. She came over the church office to have lunch with me..... err let me explain. Before lunch we bumped into a single mother whose son comes to our children's church. Over lunch Mag explained what's she's been doing and her intention to help the need of this mum and son. I was surprised as i never knew. She later drop me back to the office and drove off to town in heavy rain to meet our lawyer friend to settle business on behalf of her late auntie's family. Then she rushed to visit some friend's elderly mum admitted to Alexandra hospital. After spending sometime there, drove all the way to the airport to sent her old classmate she didn't have time to meet when she's around and now returning to Sweden. From the airport she came back for me at 8:30pm so that we can go for dinner. I found out that she didn't have any money with her which was strange. Well she told me she gave everything she had in her purse (a 50 note) to auntie in the hospital. 'Spending money' for a poor old folk she said. So I bought her dinner and we went to collect our kids in Siglap only to reach home around 10. I'm not sure about her but I'm totally exhausted now. What did i do? I went out for lunch and went out for dinner and both places were 2 minutes away from the office.

Tomorrow Mag will be at a training with Hope Centre entitled "Understanding and Working With Youth" in Buona Vista. I'll be at home with the kids. I'm reminded that she spends most of her day with the same kids almost every day of the week. So -elderlies, widows, family embers of late aunties, peers, youths and children - I DO NOT know many with a bigger heart. And with my believe that she's so much more a people person than many and extremely (and though sometimes I think excessively) good with organisation, I'm blessed to 'bear' her children (ie. okay.. after they were born that is). Truly I'm her biggest fan.

I think God is answering my prayers for her to overturn the exhaustion she faced in the later part of last year and start being herself again. I always feel the world's a better place because of her and so is mine.

Successfully woke up at 5 sharp this morning. Did my time of solitude, meditated on the bible, prayed for what is heavy in my heart, wrote on my journal, listened to some inspirational mp3s. Exercised, showered and then woke Mei Si up and prepared her for school. After sending her to school, still have some time for McDonalds. Thought that the day is really going well as even McDonalds coffee tasted nice. (Actually its McCafe coffee to be précised) I’m impressed. After that cuppa, I almost feel the invincibility as I was all charged up for the day. Got to the interchange, hop on the number 10 ready for a grand day.

2 minutes after the bus departed from the interchange, I sat down with heavy eyelid. I felt so tired and sleepy. I was like yawning non stop. Then I didn’t feel like a leader. Infact I didn’t even feel like a Christian.. or even like a human. I felt like a zombie. I felt that I’m almost dead unable to face the day.

I figure its so easy to be human because we are infact human. As human I have God given capability to say okay I did everything I could but I feel tired. And since I feel tired, I’m going through the day the best as I can just as planned and I’m going to be sleeping early tonight. I think its pretty strange for us to feel that the plan is not working just because of a feeling. Plan is only not working when we stop doing what is planned. Feeling is part of being human and God created that.

It’s almost lunch time, I’m at work and feeling alive again.

On new years day, Yien Shien SMSed me to wish for the Lord to lead me to greater heights in the new year. I'm thinking if she thinks I'm short. A few days later Hannah and Joey bought me some brown color dye as a gift for my belated birthday. I'm thinking if they think I not stylo enough. I'm thinking when I'm due for a new hair color. They also bought me a 3 in 1 cleaning product from Body Shop which can be used from hair, eyebrow & face to legs & toes. I'm thinking if they think I'm too slack with personal hygenine. I'm also thinking if I should start using more natural products.

Over the weekend, I made my first apple smoothie with the blender we found in the kitchen cupboard during our spring cleaning. It was horrible (the smoothie not the blender) both how it looked and tasted. That's probably the last one I'll ever make in my life. We have also found our old fish tank and some pots for indoor plants which we thought it'll be good to use again. We however found more crockroches eggs or things to be gotten rid of than stuff that can be used. I realised how estatic my wife can get when I clear out unwanted stuff.

The new year has so far not just been about new things, its also about old things given a new leash of life. We really can't carry things with us when we die, so definitely, we should keep working out what we are holding on to and sort out what is good to be thrashed and what is effective to carry with us.

It's hard to reflect on the new year. It is what i regard as one of the most challenging and yet fulfilling year. It has too many ups and downs, too many struggles and successes. I suppose there's too much to learn and reflect from. Reading through the greetings and wishes from people did give me an idea that the year has been worth it. I thank God that I could leave an impact on people through what I do. Measuring against what I wish for in life, I figure how important it is to rough out our limited time in the 365+ days in a year towards what really matters despite how difficult it may be.

Yesterday is the last day of 2006. It was a usual sunday affair. Well almost. I went to church, had a great time sharing to the children, had lunch with the CG whereby they celebrated my birthday, visited my in-laws, brought the kids to the playground downstairs which is big deal for them, had dinner out and then at night checked out St James Power Station. When they did the countdown to the new year (and my birthday too), I had no walking space. Learned how people young and old could party so hard and appeared so immersed with fun (some I do believe were downing their sorrows inwardly). First time in years Mag and I went out until 4am in the morning. Have never woke up so late the next morning for quite some time. Have never woke up by a phone call from my brother to wish me a Happy Birthday actually. Liang called and he has never done that. It was a great way to start the year knowing we have become closer. Called mum to wish her a Happy New Year and she conveyed a 'thank you' from dad for a good job as MC at the KL wedding. I felt nothing when I heard it but as i keep thinking about it, I realized it meant so much that my dad thought that way.

My expectation of the new year is the same thing ...Work hard and pray hard, do whatever that will make the biggest difference in a person's life. (I think that why I'm passionate to work with children, not because I like them, I just believe in them). While at it, to not take things too seriously cos God is in control.

I hope that I pull through the year unscathed again and if I don't, to turn bad things into opportunities. I thank the people around me who shared my life and make things happen together. I realise how under valued Mag has appeared to be. She has had a rough year with having to battle together critical illness of her late aunt and all the work that is involved in that. And her support of me and the family has enabled me to taste all the successes in what I do and who I am. I really wish I could bless her more and I resolute to pray for her properly. I value the people I'm working with in the family, ministry and work more than anything else and i think that's what makes the journey so worthwhile.

2007 here I am, take me... but be careful cos I'm His and have been spoken for.